#back at my moms
#you know what that means
Today the only thing I’ve wanted to do is cut myself but I can’t resort to such madness. It’s ridiculous that the thought has even crossed my mind. It’s been over a year. I guess old habits never really die. I think it has something to do with all of the horrible memories that I have of this house. Every room holds a different nightmare.
I need to be back at my own place. I felt so much more confident; I was actually starting to love my body. Now, I feel hideous. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to go anywhere. I wear huge shirts and my boxers all day long. I barely even do anything with myself. I’m disgusted. :(
"Buy half-price lingerie and model it in your bedroom for yourself. Feel like you have a secret because you’re wearing black, see-through underwear while talking to your teacher about your next assignment. Glance at attractive strangers on public transportation. When they look back, hold their gaze for a few seconds. Smile. Get their number. Get off the train and never see them again, riding the high of your mutual minute of understanding. Accept more dinner invitations with people who spark your interest, romantically or not. Keep yourself busy with the things your relationship used to keep you from doing. Practice a hobby. Learn a new language and feel how good it is to say “goodbye” in a new way. Fuck yourself in the shower. Begin to appreciate sex in a way you couldn’t before. Sing along to pop songs without guilt. Buy yourself flowers to tuck behind your ear. Laugh easily. Let the ache hollow out more room for you to grow. When you catch your ex on the street six months later, smile when they tell you you’ve changed. Consider telling them you are a wildfire that burned over the places they touched. Consider reminding them you cannot know every space in someone by running your fingers over them. For a second, consider asking them to take you back and then laugh because you are no longer the same person they held. You are a wildfire and the world is made of brush. Go ahead and burn."
"If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?"
|nice friend person:||hey, how've you been?
|me:||capitalism is crushing me. i am barely surviving. i am full of toxic resentment. i want revenge.
"Losing him was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me all at once."
I am currently eating crackers, meowing at a cat, watching family guy, scrolling through tumblr, and reading edgar allen poe. Where was this master skill at multitasking when I was still in high school.
I a, sl eruml d3ujkn3urry4nj82
do you ever get so obsessed with a game that you start playing it in your head before you sleep